What a BUSY, BUSY time I’ve had lately! I finished my first semester of nursing – with an “A” nonetheless!! I learned so much it’s phenomenal. I think I’ll make a good nurse, I really do. I have a long, long way to go and a short time to get there. Only 3 more semesters to go til I take the test to be an RN! I start back to school this Friday and I am so anxious. I will be focusing on psych (I should be really good at that! – LOL) and more med-surg. Last semester was LTC and med-surg. I did one clinical rotation of each. It was quite an experience, to say the least. I heard through the grapevine that one of my instructors gave me one HELLUVA compliment the other day… she and a friend of mine were talking about this semester and how tough it’s going to be. My friend mentioned to her that I managed to “luck out” and get the clinical instructor from hell for my psych rotation. She told my friend that if anyone could handle it, it would be me. She told her, “Sandy is awesome. She’s incredibly smart and she practically RAN clinicals – she could have done it without either of us (instructors) even being there. She’ll be fine.” Wow. She didn’t say that for my benefit; I wasn’t even THERE!
The semester was incredibly difficult for me, if for no other reason, because of the stressors in my personal life were nearly out of control. Still, I managed to do fine and pull an A out of the hat. In fact, on our final exam, the national HESI exam, I scored better than 94% of the people in the NATION! It actually brought my semester grade up from a high B to the A I was wanting. I am proud as a peacock! I know I can make it through this semester, I am just dreading the stress, exhaustion, work, and sleeplessness. If I could just get my personal life in order, I wouldn’t be so stressed and overwhelmed about the whole thing.
About that personal life…. I have taken steps to try to get things to where they need to be. I have revealed the “big secret” here now, so you know. I have really struggled with depression over the last few weeks – and maybe longer. I didn’t even recognize it until it was WAY bad. Pretty bad given that I’ve been dealing with bipolar for so long, that even with all of my experience, *I* didn’t see it for what it was. Sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees. BUT, the important thing is, I asked for help and got myself back into therapy. I have really been smart (and lucky!) and found lots of resources so that, even without my health insurance (since I am now jobless), I can get the help I need. I am so excited about this!
Now I have a new focus, goals, and a mission. I have help to make these things happen and who knows where I’ll be in the next few months? Maybe a whole new life! I’m learning to say NO. I’m not letting the people I love and who love me take advantage of me. I’m learning to love and value myself – and insisting that the people in my life do the same! Most importantly, I’m making the decision that if they CAN’T do that, *I* am going to find the strength to walk away. Oh, and I’ve lost almost 45 pounds since last March – so things are looking up.
I’m gonna keep my head up. I’m gonna turn out fine. And I’m gonna KEEP singing that until I SEE that it’s true. I believe it, I just want to SEE it.
Here’s to a happier, HEALTHIER 2012!
Cheers,
Sandy
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