Well, school is pretty well under way now. We’re 2 weeks in and I am beginning to get settled into a routine. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I am still pretty much starstruck by the whole thing. I guess you could say I’m in the “honeymoon” phase. I mean, I DID IT! I’m actually IN NURSING SCHOOL! I quit my job – WHOA! Yeah, I’m unemployed – on purpose! And a full-time student! I have 
dreamt of this for so long. It’s pretty amazing. ”Culture shock” is probably a good way to describe it. I am struggling a bit with the loneliness. I am so used to being around people all the time – 40 hours a week – and now, I have class 2 days a week and clinicals one day a week (which I start in 2 weeks). The rest is free for studying. My boyfriend is always working, 7 days a week. He does take off every other Saturday when his daughter comes over. So, I am really, really alone most of the time. He’s a VERY independent person, so even when he’s here, he is pretty much doing his own thing and so am I. This is creating a bit of a problem for me. Because I am very outgoing and a considerable “talker,” I really suffered last week. Actually, I’ve suffered a lot the last FEW weeks, but I’m pretty sure it’s the whole brand new lifestyle/high stress situation/wacked-out personality combo. LOL Have a look:
“preseason” week #1: I was getting nervous, but holding my own. I took a vacation week between working and the beginning of school. I did a ton of cleaning around the house. Did some shopping, visited a few friends, had some doctor appointments, got things in order, went a LITTLE stir crazy, but was okay.
“preseason” week #2: The nerves were really building, anxiety was growing. Wondering if I had made the right decision. Could I actually pull this off? What was I thinking quitting my job? Decided to get a jump on the homework and read all the 12 chapters that we were going to be assigned for the following week. Financial aid was totally screwed up, had to go sit in their office AGAIN. Everything was going to be okay. I could handle it. Tuesday was an all-day workshop (medical terminology). Barely slept a wink all night Monday night, but wanted to get the “first day” jitters out of the way. Came home ready to start and all psyched up! Tuesday’s high lasted through most of Wednesday. Thursday was very stressful and the high was worn off. I was ready to vomit by Thursday night since I had barely made a dent in the reading material. I had been starting around 8:30 every morning and working til 11 every night and hadn’t made it through HALF the material. I began really dreading going to orientation on Friday. I completely dreaded the thought of school on Monday and the minutes rushed past as if I were on the freeway to hell at breakneck speed. Friday was orientation and medication dosage workshop. Had little trouble sleeping on Thursday night, was completely exhausted. Friday itself went well, but I was completely overwhelmed with all the work that needed to be done. Luckily they clarified that we were to SKIM the material (if possible) before coming to class. DOH!! I had wasted my entire LAST week of freedom for nothing. GRRRRR…. By this time, it was the weekend and I still had 6 chapters to skim AND had to learn how to do dosages before the EXAM on Tuesday.
GAMETIME Week#1: The first few days I met a few people and walked around in a stupor like everyone else. BY Wednesday, the week had ended and I was feeling a little bit better. ACED the dosage exam, but still hadn’t totally gotten the concept of skimming the material. At certain points, felt high as a kite. By Wednesday, was feeling great, cause it was “Friday.” By Wednesday night, it was wearing off and was somewhat overwhelmed by all the new homework to come for the next week plus the stuff I hadn’t completely managed to get through from the first week. Then they sent the email assuring us all that we were fine and really not behind, blah blah blah. Obviously they knew we were all feeling stressed and overwhelmed. (Guess they had done this before? LOL) My mood was completely unpredictable. One minute ok, one minute irritable, one minute bitchy. Thursday was another meltdown. Barely maintained on Friday and the weekend was HORRIBLE. All went to hell with the kids – was a disaster of EPIC proportions. My daughter’s (late) birthday celebration – her boyfriend didn’t bother to show, she showed up late, didn’t bother to save us any time except for a quick dinner, my son decided he wanted to go home a day early (hadn’t seen him in 5 weeks), I LOST it in the bathroom at the restaurant…. It just got worse and worse from there. Sunday went to see my parents to help improve my mood and practice blood pressure, but Mom was sick and slept the whole time and Dad’s blood pressure was at stroke level. WTF!!!!
Week #2: Monday was shitty. My mood was horrible. I didn’t want to be at school, wasn’t in the mood for anything, was tired and my ears hurt. My main support person from the old job (who I could stop by and see on lunchbreaks) was on vacation this week! AHHHHHHH! Went home, took a nap, did homework, had no dinner and moped around. Ears were killing me, freezing, face was on fire, achy, felt terrible. Boyfriend gave me pity sex for the first time in MANY weeks (THANK GOD!!!) but since he had hurt his back, literally within miliseconds, first question was “Are you done? GET OFF!” Had a total and complete meltdown. The end. I’m DONE. Inside I was destroyed and obliterated, competely hopeless that anything was ever going to get better.
Tuesday - Woke up with no pain in the ears. This is promising. I was determined that I was going to pull myself out of this SHIT. Went to school and my new friends were waiting for me. This is even more promising. They wanted to sit together in lecture today. Hmmmm. Okay, cool. Class was good today and I realize I’ve got this! And I also realize I’m doing ok. I am finally figuring out how much I need to do to prepare, how much to read, how much to study, etc…. BUT I’ve been sweating this afternoon for 2 weeks – blood pressure. UGH! I SUCK at it. I know, how can I be a nurse if I can’t do F-ing blood pressure?!?! Today is practice lab. Nervous wreck, but so is everyone else. Finally get to BP station and a new friend knows I am sweating it, plops her arm down and says “blow it up, girl. Let’s do this.” I DO IT! YES! This is THE DAY! So, class is over, I am happy. I’m leaving and bump into an old friend from Microbiology and she’s in Nsg semester 2! We talk for an hour and a half in the parking lot! I am soooo happy!
Wednesday – Today was good again. I am thinking I am getting the hang of this, but I am afraid to get too comfortable, cause guess what tomorrow is? THURSDAY. UGH… I HATE Thursdays. The last few have really not been so good, so far. I need to do something to make SURE Thursday is not such a horrible day. Of course, tomorrow just HAS to be the day my boyfriend has to work late – which means he’ll be gone from morning til 11PM. AHHHHHHHHH! Double trouble. Double lonely. Okay, so this is a test. I’ll see what I can do. Here goes nothing….
Wish me luck,
PseudoPsycho Baby Nurse
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