Recently, a friend challenged me about not settling for less than I deserve. Actually, it’s happened twice in the last week! This really had me thinking. How do you know when you’re settling? Is it “settling” when you accept the way things are and that they aren’t perfect. Nothing in this life is perfect – everyone and everything can always be improved or “upgraded.” Sometimes, when I have a particularly bad day or when things just aren’t going my way, I think I am settling. Most of the time, though, I feel like things are going well and I just have to accept imperfections.
I am so far from perfect that I’m little Ms. IM-Perfect. I used to be filled to the brim with self-confidence. For a while now, life has been nothing less than hectic, chaotic, and just plain crazy. I have gained a bunch of weight in the frenetic pace of working full-time and going to college. I have about 2 1/2 years to go and until now, I was fairly satisfied with just riding it out and then worrying about it all. I know what I need to do, but who the hell has the motivation, much less the energy!?! I think my poor self-esteem has taken a serious blow mostly because of this weight gain.
Over the last 6 years or so, my daughter and I have been very estranged and our relationship was so strained, we could barely communicate at all. I prayed and cried and threw temper-tantrums to God to make it better. My heart broke into a thousand pieces and I never thought it would heal. Over the last 6 months, she came back into my life with a burning desire to be with me. I can never, ever express the gratitude and joy I feel because of this. Now, her life has changed such that she’s moving in with me and my boyfriend. Talk about a 180! It’s almost like a slumber party every night. She and I talked tonight and I asked if she’d exercise with me. She was ecstatic. I think starting tomorrow, we’ll begin with walking. She might just kill me, I don’t know. Working at the hospital, she walks a minimum of 7 miles a day!!! Me? Maybe 0.25 on a good day!
So, now I’m getting the motivation AND I have support. It’s January; I have a resolution and, now, I have a partner. I also have a supporter and a challenger. All is not lost or forgotten. Maybe we’ll just get to work on this self-esteem issue. Maybe they can help me as much as I’m helping them.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll stop considering whether I’m settling or accepting and go on with the business of rebuilding. I’d say time will eventually grant me “the great reveal” about just which one I’m doing. Seems kinda funny. A lot of things have happened lately so the stars are aligned just right and I seem to stand to gain as much as I give – without even realizing it. Guess opening myself up and letting others in has really been a good thing. Who knows, time will tell….
Thank you for challenging me gently. I really needed that.
Peace and love,
Sandy
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